There are times when I am just constantly talking. Thoughts are going through my head all of the time and when I'm around some people I just say almost everything I'm thinking. I hate it, really. I know people don't want to hear all of the things I'm saying, I just can't stop myself at times. I'm not even saying a lot of things because I feel like I need to share them, I just feel like talking. I usually end up feeling really dumb. I know I drive my parents and some of my friends crazy but I can't seem to stop myself. It's something I think about often and tell myself I am going to stop but that doesn't really happen. This is something I'm going to work on.

There's no place like home

I have been home a lot since I've gone to school but this time has felt so weird. When I drove into Huntingburg last night I kind of just felt like a visitor. It still feels really familiar but it's different. I started to realize how my life is different than it was a year ago. My room seems somewhat unfamiliar because there are things missing so I find it difficult to sleep. It just feels weird. I still ahve that "at-home" felling, it's just different. Going to the high school to see the musical was really weird. I actually kind of miss high school. I do love college but living at home and not having too many worries was just... comfortable. I can't really think of a better word for it. I am now just constantly thinking of something important I need to do when I am at school, and it's even worse when I am at home.

I am a total procrastinator. I wait until the last minute to do everything. Why? I don't really know. I could do my homework at night before I go to sleep but I decide to wake up early to do it right before class. I'm not even a morning person. I really need to work on that.

Jealousy is the Root of All Evil?

I have problem with jealously. I'm not usually too jealous of material things. I can't say that I sometimes wish that I have material things that other people have, but it's not something that really bothers me usually. I get crazy jealous about the talents that other people have. I don't think of myself as really talented in any way. I find myself obsessing over what other people can do and what I can't do. It takes over my mind sometimes and I'm just a totally different person. It makes me such a negative person. I know I shouldn't be negative and it's really not a likable quality but it is so hard sometimes. I just need to think positive thoughts and not worry so much about other people.

Also, because I get so jealous of others I sometimes get a feeling kind of like joy when I see talented people fail. That is so awful. Why do I think that way? I know I need to stop obsessing.

This evening I went to the IMU to hear Rick James, author of Jesus Without Religion, speak. When we got there we found out that Rick was not there because his flight was cancelled. We heard his talk by video and asked questions through skype. I really enjoyed listening to him speak. He said the facts in a good way. He didn't try to shove Jesus down people's throats. He gave the facts and basically said do what you want with it.

I'm really glad I decided to go because hearing about Jesus and his love is something that always gets to me in some way. It was brought up at one point that there are people practicing other religions and some who have never really heard about God. If there are people who have never heard about God how are they supposed to find him and worship him? I do believe if some people want to find God badly enough it will happen. But so many people need to hear about God's love.

This is what made me think. Who is going to tell these people about God? That's our job as Christians right? I have this love for Jesus that makes me feel so amazing so I should share it with others, right?

It's not just hard for me to think about going out to people I have never met to tell them about Christ. I almost find it harder to talk to friends and family about Jesus. Why am I so scared? Shouldn't the thought of Hell scare me more than going up to someone I love and sharing Christ's amazing love with him or her. This is something I need to keep thinking and praying about and acting on.

First blog ever

I don't exactly know why but I thought I would start a blog. I've gotten away from journaling and I'm on the internet often so I figured I would try this. It may be updated daily or I may never write another blog. I guess we'll find out. :D

God is love!