Whose Plans?

Why do I have times when I'm silly and run from God. I think I know what is best for me when that is really not the case. I feel like this is a thought that consumes my mind. I am constantly fighting with God. I know I need to just have faith and trust that he knows what he is doing. I am constantly planning my future in my head. I think because I do so much thinking about it, I must know what is best. When God is trying to tell me to do something that is not in my set plans and out of my comfort zone, I doubt him. I know it is silly, but I do it often. I know it is really just best when I surrender and do what he has planned, but I'm always scared or too prideful to do that. So, one of my prayers for today and for my future is that I will remember who really knows what is best for me. I need to remember that it is good for me to step out of my comfort zone.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Oh, How He Loves

I am so thankful for the ways in which God has been working in my life recently. It is amazing how he makes things all work together for my good. It was amazing how he prepared me for the Every Student Sent conference a month or so ago and really amazing how he touched my heart while on the Chicago mission trip.

I had kind of forgotten about the mission trip until the week or so before. Before I went I really didn't feel like my heart was in the right place. I didn't know why I had signed up and was looking forward to it, but really didn't think I would get a whole lot out of it. I was glad to know it was a small group, thinking it would be easier to make friends for the week that way. At the meeting before the trip, the staff discussed what we would be doing while in the city. When they mentioned campus ministry, I got pretty worried. I didn't want to be one of those annoying freaks going up to people on campus. Although I was not excited about campus ministry, I was excited for the potential opportunity to work in daycares or schools.

When I met the people the first day, I thought everyone seemed nice and felt a little more excited about the trip. I was excited to learn that we were going to be spending the nights at a daycare and that the first two days I would work at a school and at the daycare at which we were staying. At our first meeting on Sunday night I got to thinking about the campus ministry. I knew that was one of the reasons that God sent me on this trip. I know talking to my peers about Christ is something I need to work on and I knew that God wants me to have the training that I need. And of course, he wants me telling others about his love!

I really enjoyed spending time with everyone on the trip. It was great how we all fit in together and that it really wasn't awkward to be around anyone one the trip. I'm usually really not good with people my own age, but I had some great conversations and made some amazing, encouraging friends on the trip. I felt like I could talk about anything with this group of people. We are all at similar stages in our lives and everyone was so loving and understanding. It felt like such a safe environment. I liked being able to have deep conversations with people I had just met without it being weird. I loved learning so much about everyone on the trip.

I enjoyed the first two days of service at the school and daycare. I loved being able to be close to so many amazing kids. My heart goes out to the children of the Roseland community. Many of these young kids have gone through much more than I ever have. These kids are blessed by the amazing people, like Ms. Pearl (the owner of the daycare), in the community. Teachers at the school have to act as both parents and educators for the children who have parents who do not care at all about their children's education. My heart breaks for these children. I am so thankful for the people who are loving them.

On Wednesday morning, the first morning of campus ministry, I was freaking out a bit. I had never gone up to strangers and talked about God before. I know that I am excited about God's love and love talking to others about it, but I was still worried about going up and bothering strangers. The last thing I want to do is make people hate Christians and scare them away from Christ. Because I was crying and freaking out, I ended up being paired with one of the staff members, Brandon. Before we went out to talk to people on campus, Brandon and Megan let me cry and prayed with me to help calm my nerves. After we walked around campus for awhile and got a bit more comfortable, Brandon and I went up to a couple sitting on a bench outside. I was really dreading walking up to them, but when we asked them if they would like to take a survey and talk about religion and God, they responded in a friendly way and agreed to talk to us. They told us that they were both Christians and that they were involved in church and love God. Eventually the boy started talking about how one of his friends asked him about God and Christianity a few weeks ago and he wanted to know how to talk to him about Christ. So, Brandon decided to go through the Knowing God Personally booklet (KGP) with them, so that he could read through it whit his friend. About halfway through the booklet the couple, along with Brandon and I, realized that they had never really fully given their lives to Christ and surrendered. After talking for about an hour and a half they decided to pray with us and surrender their lives to Christ. (Not to bad for my first time on campus ministry!) It was so exciting for all of us. I absolutely love sharing about Christ with others and I am happy to see that they want to change their life for Christ. We got to meet with the boy again the next day, and talk again for an hour or so. It was so great.

The second day I went sharing with Megan. We had a couple of good conversations with girls on campus. Although the girls that we talked to never really fully understood what we were saying, we did get to share some of the gospel with them. We had really good discussions, and Megan and I both faced some of our fears. After we shared Megan and I just got to sit and talk. She was so encouraging and let me cry and talk to her for a good half hour or so. She told me wonderful things and helped me with some of my problems. She told me how beautiful God has made me to be and just encouraged me.

Because of this week I have a better understanding of others as well as a better understanding of the gospel and God's love for us. My heart is in a totally different place and God is helping me through so much. I am really truly starting to know what it means to have total faith in God and trusting his plan for my life.

I have been so blessed by the people God placed in my life during this trip. There is so so much more I could say about this trip, but for now I'll just stop there. I am at a point in my relationship with Christ I have never been to before. I have been broken down and have been showed a beautiful love.

I'm don't think anyone actually reads this blog, which is fine, but just in case, I thought I would explain what I am starting. As I was getting ready to read my bible and do prayer journaling this evening I realized that I have misplaced my journal. I tried to figure out the best way to journal and I decided that I would try posting it on my blog. So, if someone else is reading it may be even harder to understand than my usual blogs because I tend to ignore all grammar rules and often don't have full sentences and I often write things that may not make any sense. I don't think that is much different from my normal blogs, but I just thought I would explain what I am doing anyway.