He is always there

I have been up and down a spiritual roller coaster for the past few months. A year ago or so I really found Jesus. I always God was there and praised him, but I never really had a close relationship with him. It was so hard to start my relationship at first. I was terrified to listen to what God had to say because I knew he would tell me to change my ways, or listen to His plans for my life rater than my own. I was too scared to be that open with him because I was too scared. When I finally started letting God in it got less and less scary. I am still full of regret and shame at times when I open myself up to God, but now I know how truly amazing it is to be completely vulnerable, so it is getting easier.

I definitely still know how to ignore God, though. One thing I like to forget is that God is even with me when I sin. I do things that I know are sinful, making bad decisions, and I like to make myself think that God is not there with me, I'm completely on my own, doing what I want to be doing and I can ask for forgiveness later. It is so easy for me to find God at times when I am really excited or really down and I have an amazing connection with him, but I find it hard to think about him when I know I am being sinful.

I need to be more devoted to my prayer life. I don't want it to just become something I do as a routine, but it is something I want to do daily. At times when I start and end my day with prayer I feel so free.

I now truly understand the meaning of "the truth will set you free".